Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Wheels in Motion ~ Chapter One

Today's muse: Wood and Pixels Narratives

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Wheels in Motion ~ Chapter One

In hindsight, asking Susan Andrews to the End-of-Summer Blowout was probably not a good idea. He should have waited until he’d actually bought a car before asking Susan out, rather than just telling her he was getting one. Instead, Billy Peterson had blurted it out right there in front of everyone in the parking lot at the soda shop.

She was sitting on the hood of Jack Winter’s new DeSoto. Well, it was new to Jack; it used to be his dad’s. Sure, there was a little rust here and there, but it rode just fine and it was Jack’s. What did Billy have? Nothing, that’s what.

But he did have gumption. Which he doggedly mustered up to casually lean against Jack’s rusty old second-hand DeSoto and, toying with the hem of her skirt that was teasingly splayed out to just within reach of his hand, asked Susan if she’d go to the Blowout with him. Susan looked down at him, snatching her skirt out of his reach as though he were some beggar, and spat out “On what? Your bicycle?!” She laughed loudly at him—as did everyone else—although he did catch a few of the guys flinching.

He jumped on his bike and pedalled home furiously, fuelled by his anger, chased all the way home by Susan’s snide remarks.

Alone, he sat on the front step for hours, gazing up at the stars, sending up futile wishes to the heavens. The Blowout was next week and he had nothing. No girl, no car and no hope for either.

Completely dejected, Billy sighed and stood up, brushing his pants clean, ready to go inside, when he heard the crunching of distinctly female footsteps on the drive.


glnroz said...

Story is great, but I gotta quit looking for "outaplace" words. I did a double take. Three years ago, i started a short story and the lead character is driving a 1949 DeSoto. (We had one"55" when I was a kid,,---shiver) .

Wine and Words said...

Susan, you bitch! It better be you comin' up the drive with something more than the hem of your skirt!

septembermom said...

Let's hope that Susan admires his gumption :) Nice story. A boy and his girl. Those are the stories that pull the heart strings. It could be argued that a boy and his car is an equally powerful "love" story :) Great job!

Monica Manning said...

@glnroz: Glenn-with-2-enns, DeSoto ... this is starting to freak me out, man!

@W&W: Loved your comment. Made me laugh out loud!

@septembermom: Thanks! It's different from my writing style so far on this blog, but it is my preferred genre.

Tin Kettle Inn said...

The opening is very good, Billy thinking back on how he should have waited until he owned a car to ask Susan to the blow-out, and then it lead into how he humiliated himself. you also created a setting and time period in a subtle manner, through the language you used in key things like "soda shop." it has this happy days kind of feel.

it's a great piece with a nostalgic feel.

~She Poet~ said...

Wow woman you work fast. I didn't realize you posted Chap. 1! I need to pay more attention. Susan Andrews is a witch and Billy, well, I feel for the guy. Especially when he was riding his bike after witch face humiliated him. How rude! Anyways, as you can tell I enjoyed your story very much. Can't wait to read the next chapter. Btw, I saw Dan's pic for your prompt. I think it definitely goes well with the storyline.